FUN FUN Funding….

FUN FUN Funding….

Its all about the funding..

I would dearly love to meet the scientist who persuaded the politician to part with 6 billion quid!

A few years ago I unfortunately fractured my shoulder and subsequently contracted pleurisy/pneumonia, nearly died. Such was my complete and utter lack of communicative skills I was unable to persuade a one plank short of a tree house government dept to pay me £60 per week in sickness benefit. So I thought to myself, imagine the level of intellect required to persuade the government to fund various science projects, e.g. those associated with particle physics, CERN and Fermilab etc. I rekon the scientist who oversaw this part of the proceedings (sold the idea to the government) must have been one of the cleverest fekers to have ever walked the face of this planet and would make Stephen Hawking look like the illegitimate love-child of Jade Goody and Benny from Crossroads…

I mean, how did that conversation go? Well sir, we need funding for our new project. Oh, and what’s that then? Err – well, we need to find an imaginary sub-atomic particle associated with the beginning of time! Great! How much do you need? Err – well, how much have you got? I’ll tell you what, I’ll just sign the cheque and you will just have to fill it in yourselves…

I want this fucker on my PR team immediately! PR team, who am I kidding! Its been a life long ambition of mine to be nationalised and run at a loss of about 2 million a year! I had a funny dream the other night. I dreamt that the bank was stuffed to the rafters with my money and as a result no one could get in! Big cues were forming outside while the Army were called in to force the door!

Unfortunately, I then woke up..

Perchance to dream!

Funding is a fascinating issue though; there must be mind-blowing levels of corruption when it comes to various government contracts etc. And it looks like research and development (R&D) the food industry and the science community in general are the worst offenders. Or are they?

Take the National Lottery; basically a tax on the poor to fund yet more ridiculous projects dreamt up by the overpaid, pissed and over educated. Was the Dome not funded from Lottery money, an after dinner thought if ever there was one? As I understand it there have been a number of projects funded by the lottery that should have come from general taxation. I won’t dwell in this coz it’s sooo boring, lets move on to more furtive ground or should I say space…

The Space Program; yes yes all very exciting, benefits to mankind and all that. I can see you all sat there with your mouths open, stunned that I could be saying this, but think about it. It’s about the justification of spending huge amounts of taxpayers’ money. Surely you would agree that any decision to spend public money needs to be justified?

Do you not think that the money would be much better spent on trying to save this planet rather than spending trillions on trying to get a ‘chosen few’ to another? Mars possibly? Who the fuck wants to live on Mars? Me actually, just the other day some poor sod was mugged for his training shoes! My immediate thought, beam me up Scotty! Talking of which, people definitely watch too much Star Trek. They actually think that NASA will have us all star-trekking around various quadrants of the galaxy at warp speed, by next year! It does not get anymore delusional than that. Or does it?

I’m told the only benefit to mankind as a result of the Moon landings was Teflon…

Other subsequent so-called benefits include:

1. Development of 4GL relational database language.
2. Development of Fuel Cell power.
3. Development of rocket designs that are now used to launch satellites and the Hubble telescope.
4. Medical CAT scan
5. Cordless power tools
6. Mylar
7. Cool suits (used by race car drivers)
8. Adhesive bondings
9. Various detectors for gases, infrared, cosmic rays, and many more used in various industries today
10. Heat shielding used today in high performance cars.

The point is that we could easily live without most of these things and in any case it would not be that long before some geek in a garage invented half this stuff anyway. The American government spent millions of taxpayers’ money on developing a ball-point pen that would write in zero gravity, the Russians used a pencil!!!

Laugh, I nearly shat!

Scientists have clearly gone completely mad. Apparently, the latest discovery has created tremendous excitement among scientists. The Gliese 581 super-Earth is in what scientists call the "Goldilocks Zone" where temperatures "are just right" for life to have a chance to exist, – really! – commenting on the discovery, Alison Boyle, the curator of astronomy at London’s Science Museum, said: "Of all the planets we’ve found around other stars, this is the one that looks as though it might have the right ingredients for life." It’s 20 light-years away and so we won’t be going there anytime soon, (you don’t say) but with new kinds of propulsion technology that could change in the future. Pffffffhh..And obviously we’ll be training some powerful telescopes on it to see what we can see," she told BBC News. Oh for fuck sake!

What the humping-tosspots are these people on? Personally I couldn’t give a flying shit if there are microbes living on Mars or anywhere else for that matter. The fact is we are not going to find another planet such as the one we inhabit so we might as well make the most of it and try and preserve what we already have. If a group of mentally disturbed billionaires wish to privately fund a space mission that’s fine, but it should not be funded out of general taxation.

The trouble is our mentally challenged politicians get caught up in this alleged excitement and start throwing hard-earned public money at the madness, using this "’Is there life anywhere else?’ as justification.

I DON’T F****ING CARE!!!!

Anyway I don’t want ET eating my supper! He can fuck off back to zoobledwob and get his own! Microbes support a mighty appetite, I’m told.

Let’s face it, if there was any reachable life out there worth knowing we’d have had their version of the Beatles by now, surely?

I mean, they are literally spending billions on trying to find the higgs Boson and here I am on Myspace!

How kin stupid are they? Well obviously not that stupid, they managed to secure their funding, didn’t they!

Higgs Boson
Nu-jazz Rock Fusion 4 particle physicists, in theory!
www.higgsboson.com

Caveat

If you want a laugh watch the brothers John and Roy Boulting classic ‘I’m All Right Jack’ starring Peter Sellers. It is a brilliant satirical film about corruption. That’s how it worked then and that’s how it works today, only today it’s on a much larger scale.