It’s official – Britain is F A T!
It’s official – Britain is F A T!
I can’t quite believe it; the media are now talking about this as if it were ‘breaking news’. Fat people in England? – No…
Apparently there’s been a "scientific breakthrough" in solving child obesity called ‘MEND’. I hope to god it’s an American breakthrough because I don’t think I could stand another British embarrassment. We’ve had the wobbly bridge the Beagle2 and what was the other thing, oh the British Space Program (a hot-air balloon off the coast of Cornwall) didn’t even get two feet off the ground, or should I say Sea.
The embarrassment reached such intensity I had to hide behind the sofa. Anyway, the upshot of this new alleged breakthrough, no doubt as a result of years of research and development, they have discovered that if you put a bunch of fatties together in one place and be nice to them and feed them healthy food, oh and introduce exercise into their daily lives, wait for it….they lose weight!
In Britain it takes an army of so-called experts to realise that kids get fat because they sit around all day watching TV and eating Monster Munch, unbelievable! The irony of course is that these so-called experts are all sitting around scratching their arses and getting clinically obese stuffing themselves with my money, its called funding, and is the key to unimaginable wealth here in Britain. What was it, the British Leyland concerto consists of four movements, all of them slow with a four hour tea-break etc. Nothing has changed!
Talking of Monster Munch (actually it was Cheesy Wotsits) I am reminded of a story relayed to me some time ago by my guitarist who suddenly felt the urge to get fit and go to the gym. Silly sod! Anyway, he was there one day when a big fat kid came in eating a bag of Monster Munch. Apparently he immediately headed for the walking machine. Well, the kid started slowly, still eating Monster Munch, gradually built up speed and a sweat. He then pressed the wrong button and this thing suddenly went into warp drive. As a result fatty slipped and found himself sideways-on. The machine still chundering away underneath him, the kid, amidst the mayhem was still holding his bag of Monster Munch desperately trying not to spill any! He was eventually pulled away having suffered third degree burns on his ass. Even though he sustained considerable injuries he was more upset about his bag of Monster Munch.
There’s been much talk in the science community lately about obesity being genetic. This is total bollocks; it might be the case for a few people (people with a specific medical condition) but for the many, no. You only have to look in people’s supermarket trolleys to see why they have a problem. Mr and Mrs grossly overweight are simply going to use this genetic theory/argument to justify the bloated contents of their shopping baskets! The situation in the UK is so desperate that the authorities are now taking obese children into care because it is considered a form of abuse. This might seem draconian but what else can you do when removing the child could well save its life.
I recently visited our local leper colony (otherwise known as Exeter) and I couldn’t help noticing how ill people looked. It’s not just a weight issue. There were young girls (teenagers) with protruding veins on their legs, without sounding like doctor Higgs I would say varicose veins. I find this shocking; at their age this is almost certainly caused by diet and subsequent constipation. I know this because there was a study done recently about people’s bowel movements around the globe (a good bedtime read if ever there was one). Anyway they discovered that there were remote tribes in Africa whose diet consisted of mainly vegetables, nuts and berries etc. did not suffer with a whole raft of circulation related ailments associated with western culture. Apparently, when their bowel movements were inspected they discovered that what was normal to them, here would be considered extreme diarrhoea; we’re in cow-pat territory now. So, it seems constipation is the key…
I just love talking shit…
Higgs Boson
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