Global Warming

What troubles me about this whole debate, if you can call it that, is that if anyone dares to question the alleged globally accepted wisdom of climate change scientists they are more or less treated as holocaust deniers, fringe lunatics on the very edge of sanity. Here in the UK environmentalism is getting very evangelical and is actually on the cusp of being legally viewed as a religion. It will mean that you cannot be fired/sacked or even made redundant if you happen to have certain unspecified deeply held beliefs about the environment. Another thing is that whenever broadcasters debate this issue, rarely is that debate balanced, by that I mean they never manage to find a scientist –  and they do exist –  to put a counter argument to this whole global warming issue. By that I mean no one is arguing that the climate doesn’t fluctuate; the issue is whether or not, or at least to what extent humans are responsible for that climate fluctuation.

As I see it the problem is a real dichotomy for the creatures who aim to control us all, because you cannot on one hand support the perpetual growth of the human population and talk about raising living standards etc. whilst simultaneously delivering the necessary actions required to save the planet. That’s simplifying it I know because there are so many complex forces all pulling in different directions. Because of this I believe that multi-property owning energy munching politicians should just shut the fuck-up. I also believe that whatever they say about the importance of this so-called new Copenhagen Treaty, will be, and is already proving to be, total bollocks. This treaty will undoubtedly lead to a festival of utterly stupefying legislation that’ll drive us all nuts. They say it’s important; no it isn’t, not really. What’ll happen is that a few people/companies/countries, probably their mates, will become incredibly rich on the back of their carbon trading policies because the commercial world is simply not able to operate within their parameters as set out no doubt in said treaty. If the environmentalists are to be believed then we need zero emissions now, not in 2020. But the thing is politicians simply won’t tell us the truth because zero emissions or even lowering emissions to any great extent in the short term means the end of capitalism, the end of industrialisation and the end of life as we know it.

I am not going to be the first person to say this but anyone serious about saving the planet would not be using the Internet, inconvenient I know but imagine how much energy it requires, the world over. I suppose new technologies will emerge and PC’s will become evermore eco-friendly but I say why can’t we do this now, why can’t we utilise the energy from existing internet usage? As we all know approximately 95% of internet traffic is pornography, so why not harness this energy somehow, channel this raw energy into the flux capacitor, so to speak, from the heat generated by our genitals? There’s a thought, the new Dell Genitalia, has a certain ring to it, no? Anyway lap-top fuckers of the world could unite and save the planet at the same time! It could even be an Olympic sport, well maybe not. Anyroad, taking Microsoft’s touch-screen technology in just a few years that could really take-off, as this technology develops I can envisage computers that look and feel exactly like a real woman or real man depending upon your particular persuasion. The interesting thing though, for me, is to predict when precisely the scientists take a step back and think: hang on, why don’t we use real women? There we are, full circle as usual, meanwhile yet another giant whole in the ozone layer has been created and the bloody scientists get to blame someone else, the lap-top fuckers no doubt.

I remember during the last general election campaign fiasco I was innocently drifting through the high street, trying to ignore the pain caused by my wife’s shopping expedition, when I suddenly happened upon a particularly enthusiastic Green Party candidate. Nothing annoys me more than misplaced left wing over enthusiasm. Anyway, unfortunately I was feeling slightly argumentative and for no apparent reason decided to engage the fucker! As I understand it he was basically saying that the planet is being destroyed by global warming, sea levels are rising and we’re all about to drown in a tidal wave of our own shit and the road to salvation is to vote for him, sort of thing, an apocalyptic sermon as it were..Eventually I managed to get a word in. I suppose the look on my face must have said it all because the small gathering suddenly became very quiet, a hushed silence you might say. I started by saying that you could fill the UK Parliament with Green Party MP’s and it wouldn’t make a scrap of difference to what you describe as ‘global warming’, or if you want to be more precise, the rate at which the earth is heating up as a direct result of human agency, of which there is no real evidence and in point of fact there is no real evidence that C02 (carbon dioxide) drives the earths climate anyway. I swear you could actually see steam coming out of this blokes ears, it was almost like saying to a born-again Christian well if your particular god does exist he’s a bit of a c**t, look! Spina bifida!

Why, he said. CHINA, that’s why. The Chinese are opening three new fossil fuel driven power stations every week! Ah, he said, we need to set an example. Oh for fuck sake!! You totally over estimate the potential British input here, we are a tiny sod of earth just off the coast of France, what possible difference could we make? I don’t think there are many foreign countries that’ll be willing to take any lessons from the British do you? I honestly think some of these environmentalists have a sort of Harry Enfield Look Listen and Take Heed Chalmondeley Warner hallucination as to the size of Britain’s influence on these matters. I digress, anyway even if we were to comply with your every fantasy and people en-masse start spending small fortunes on having solar panels and wind turbines etc. Oh and those bloody silly low energy light bulbs the only people that would benefit are those fekers with all their money invested in the making of the sodding stuff. In any case, as I’ve said, there is no real evidence that it is human agency causing climate fluctuation. The fact is that the earth’s climate has been in a state of flux since the dawn of time, humans have only been here five minutes, in geological terms.

Study of pollen has proven that the climate here in England during the Bronze Age was in fact warmer than it is now. Go back even further in time say 500,000 years and here in Devon the climate was virtually sub-tropical, I’m told we had creatures such as Elephants and even Lions wandering around. What fucking global warming, I’m freezing my nuts off here, why do I have to insulate my home if the world is going to be a bit warmer? Well apparently here in the UK it’s going to get colder, I’m sorry, they’ve lost me there! How do they explain these anomalies in America? Are they telling you that Fred Flintstone ran his monster truck on unethical fart power? Talking of which, there’s also growing concern that man’s obsession with all things bovine and the inevitable consequence (cow shit, or to be precise methane) of the meat industry is also having an adverse effect on the climate. It was reported on the BBC News that scientists in India are recommending that people should eat less meat. As a vegetarian I say stop eating meat by all means but don’t subject me and my friends to a bewildering array of insane environmental regulations based on the so-called scientific dodgy dossier evidence dreamt up by various government scientists with their fingers in the fucking till. They’ll say anything for money, look at the oil company Shell or the tobacco industry, they paid scientists a fortune just to say exactly what they wanted to hear. Take it from me, you ARE being manipulated and lied to. Oh, you don’t believe me? Then take a look at this recent article entitled:

Climate scientists accused of ‘manipulating global warming data’

This appeared in the broadsheet news paper – -  The Daily Telegraph – -  In any case, if cows were the main cause of excessive greenhouse gasses what on earth would Brontosaurus farts do to the planet? They must have caused one hell of a hole in the ozone layer over a period of 600 million years, how did it repair itself then? Did the dinosaurs have solar panels and low energy light bulbs? Were they recycling and washing out their Marmite pots? I don’t fucking think so somehow, do you? Maybe it was Fred Flintstone after all, bloody Americans! WILMA!!! Perhaps Fred had one too many Pteranodon curries which culminated in a critical green house gas event in his pants – Rectaloxide (ROX) being the hitherto unaccounted for green house gas in dinosaur extinction folklore. That would’ve been the final straw for the dinosaurs in my view, just one fart too many and – BOOM!

The problem is that there are now huge vested interests in hoodwinking the public into swallowing this whole climate change bollocks. It’s not just politicians and scientists, it’s journalists, university lecturers as well, they are ALL making a very good living, thank you very much, out of spouting this largely unproven bollocks, most of which is pure postulation and guess work, and the public being the public seem to be swallowing it hook line and sinker, as usual. It’s when they start tinkering with the law that pisses me off. I mentioned low energy light bulbs, soon it will be against the law to have any traditional light bulbs in your house, but this again is total crap. This is NOT about saving energy at all. I was talking to an electrician about this and he said that because these new eco light bulbs or halogen lights don’t emit much light, his customers are telling him to install in some cases up to a dozen or more low energy halogen lights to make up for the lack in light, which as a result then uses  much more electricity than having just one florescent tube. In any case I strongly object to being told by government to get buying their light bulbs or face prosecution, it’s the law, which I have no doubt is going to be used as a form of persecution so we are forced to line their pockets. Forcing people by law to use specific light bulbs is not green environmentalism, it’s fascism.

Here in the UK, because the price of heating your home has doubled in recent years, this has culminated in a massive rise in the sale of wood burners. I would imagine, although I could be wrong, but I doubt it, that this would negate or rather cancel-out any alleged gains made by the low energy light bulb extravaganza. Solar panels and in particular those solar tubes for heating water are so expensive they are the preserve of the super-rich and in any case they don’t actually save you any money for nearly 30 years, by which time the bloody stuff will be worn out anyway, especially if it has ‘Made in England’ stamped on it. Not for one moment wishing to sound like Ricky Gervaise but I think someone’s having a laugh here aren’t they?

Then there’s recycling, what a waste of time that is, my mother organises her entire life around recycling and those bloody great big green garden waste bins that she seems to think need filling up, to the brim, at all cost, whether they need filling or no, every week. Then the council arrive in a fucking great lorry to collect all this pointless waste, in the meantime my garden, just like the Brazilian rainforest is fast disappearing. Is this energy efficient or being in any way whatsoever kind to the environment. In my humble opinion, no. Turns out that many councils are exporting our waste to China for processing! How can this possibly be regarded as environmentally friendly? They are cutting down the tropical rain forest in order to produce bio diesel. I don’t care what anyone says, this is literally insane. Again, if governments were serious this activity would stop and stopping this would surely be a lot easier than trying to persuade the great unwashed to change their habits?

If the British government were truly concerned about global warming why do they hound so-called new-age travellers, these are people who, by the very fact they live as they do, have little or no impact on the global environment. If they choose to live and mind their own business in the woods and live outside society, why not let them? Various local governments (councils) up and down the country go to extraordinary lengths to evict people living in this way, again it’s a form of persecution, why? Because it’s all about making the rich middle class feel just a little bit better about themselves, it is only they that can afford all this zero carbon house bollocks. If politicians were actually serious about climate change why are they encouraging local councils up and down the country in the rural areas of Britain to buy loads of clapped-out Double-Decker busses from the cities? These busses emit incredible amounts of pollution because most of there lives have been spent driving around the flat areas of suburbia when suddenly it has to start climbing steep hills. I know, every time I  venture out on my bike I have to breath-in the acrid exhaust fumes of these huge busses being driving around with only one or two passengers on board. Back in 80’s we had mini-busses, what the fuck happened to them?

Here where I live the traffic is now virtually bumper to bumper 4×4’s being driven by people who not only have no concept of the width or the length of their vehicle but people who are completely oblivious to their surroundings and self evidently any ethical dimension to their actions i.e driving their children to school when they only live 500 yards up the road. As Sean Lock said “there are people who would happily fly to the shops”. If the government were serious about climate change why are they encouraging people to buy a new car by scrapping the old one? Why prop-up an industry that is largely responsible for the human contribution to climate change? The list of governmental inconsistencies goes on and on because they wont face up to the fact that capitalism and what they describe as progress sits very uncomfortably with environmentalism and because their selfish voters get twitchy if their life-styles get threatened politicians are shall we say economical with the truth.

I am reminded of something that happened to me in my childhood. I was raised on a farm that was situated at the bottom of a valley which was once formed part of a river system, a tributary I suppose, I’m told that the valley was once tidal. Following development, this meant that the valley occasionally flooded and when this happened half the town got flooded, including our farm. Anyway one year it was particularly bad to the extent that I thought we were all going to drown. My step father was having his breakfast, as usual, when I entered and warned him that perhaps we should start moving stuff upstairs. This advice was treated with utter contempt, he just sat there stuffing his face, oh well I thought, he can fucking drown then for all I care, perhaps he could use a slice of toast as a life raft, twat. Anyway, sure enough the water was coming across the main road and into the farmyard. Eventually, the water came within an inch of our front door and still the stupid man was acting as if nothing was happening. It was only when he opened the door to a room we called the ‘bug-hole’ (a workshop) anyway he opened the door and to his horror the carpet was literally floating. Only then would he act.

So there we are, do you really think people are going to change their habits? No one in their right mind believes anything governments tells them. and as for people changing now, not a cats chance in hell! The only thing that would stop these women who drive their progeny 500yrds to school is if the price of fuel is raised to £200 per gallon. Is that going to happen, errrrrr, NO!

This very morning I was listening to BBC Radio4 and the subject was of course climate change and this forthcoming Copenhagen Treaty. During the interview with what I presumed was a climate change scientist, the scientist said that there is now irrefutable evidence that humans cause climate change.* This is nothing short of disingenuous isn’t it? To say or suggest that humans are the sole cause of climate change to me is ridiculous. We are partly responsible, possibly? Some scientists say that we need zero carbon emissions now, not in ten years time so what the hell is the point of this Copenhagen Treaty which by all accounts has already failed… Well perhaps the word ‘failed’ is too strong, I dare say they all ‘succeeded’ in claiming their expenses from the public purse, bastards. Don’t kid yourself, they don’t give a flying fuck about the environment, if they did they’d fucking walk to Copenhagen, well the European one’s would..Would I walk there? Don’t be a twat! I’d be circling in me Leer jet, arse out the window shouting ‘eat this fuckers!

A couple of days ago on the BBC News Sophie Rayworth asked the British Environment Secretary Hilary Ben if climate change was responsible for the floods in Cumbria as it is reckoned to be a ‘one in one thousand year event’. Hilary Ben said “well scientists tell us that we will experience more extreme weather as the earth warms up”. Now hang on a minute, just a couple of years ago, if I remember correctly, the scientists were saying that here in Britain we will experience milder winters. Now apparently they are saying that we will experience more frequent ‘extreme events’. They flip-flop more often than the weather ever did. Anyway, Sophie then went on to say that it’s the heaviest rain or most amount of rain in Cumbria since “records” began. What does that mean? Nothing, in terms of how the earths climate is effected by our activities, it’s always fucking raining in Cumbria, I know, I lived their once for six months, in a tent, mad. The thing is rainfall is not the only factor in determining the causes of flooding. Take our valley, as I said. it was once part of a river system. Most of the flooding is caused by water run-off from houses the local council have permitted to be built, not on the flood-plane but higher up on the hills. In other words the water has to go somewhere, downward usually. This rather simple scientific principle is totally lost on local government officials who wonder why the town is prone to flooding. Before all this development water would have simply dissipated/soaked away naturally through the ground, helped by all the trees, which of course have all been felled to make way for completely unnecessary development. I say unnecessary because it’s houses for bloody Londoners, that makes it unnecessary.

So there we are, fuck-all to do with climate change really but the way in which politicians present the issue, suggesting that alleged human driven climate change is the cause, is just plain wrong. Not only that, can anyone really believe them when it is they that are largely responsible for all that is wrong with the world. Talking of trees, they are cutting down the tropical rain forest in order to produce bio diesel. I don’t care what anyone says, this is literally insane. Again, if governments were actually serious and their words actually meant anything this activity would stop immediately, and stopping this would surely be a lot easier than trying to persuade the great unwashed to change their habits before we all become criminals in our own homes?

trouble is there is an inconsistency in my argument because on one hand I am saying that people won’t change their habits and on the other hand not wanting to change the law when clearly the only way to get people to comply is to use the law. Fuck me, it’s going to end up far worse than George Orwell ever could have imagined isn’t it? It’ll be just like what Bill Hicks said about car drivers allowing people to cross the road in LA, only in LA does this common courtesy require legislation, but that’s what people are like all over the world really I suppose, we are fucking doomed, are we not..

Some scientists claim that the cause of climate change has more to do with Sun spots/solar storms and that the activity of the Sun has a far greater effect on the earths climate than previously thought. In 1859 the earth experienced what is described as the ‘perfect storm’. This, even back then, created absolute havoc, but imagine if this were to happen today, it might happen in 2012 because Sun spot cycles recur every eleven years. Anyway if this were to happen on the same scale as in 1859 there would be a literal meltdown of society as we know it, this has absolutely nothing to do with green house gas emissions, but given our total economic dependency on all things electrical, it would surely be a total disaster. Given the multiple of factors involved here I believe that it is perfectly reasonable to say that climate change is caused by a number of much misunderstood phenomenon’s. It is simply not good enough to say that any one cause warrants the spawning of an entire new industry and all the subsequent legislation that will follow, when all they really need to do is tell people to start shagging their laptops instead of each other, in other words; have less children. That my friends is the real inconvenient truth.

Higgs Boson

http://www.higgsboson.com/

http://www.myspace.com/higgsbosonuniverse

Copyright: Higgs Boson 2009

Crime And Punishment

This is a very old chestnut, used by politicians who would have us all believe that they and they alone can solve all our criminal problems by locking everyone up, and some believe the answer to be capital punishment, or as I like to call it, state sponsored murder, for everyone, irrespective of whether or not a crime has actually been committed. Admittedly this only applies to the extreme politician, you know, the ones that sex-up the case for going to war and use the Royal Prerogative to bypass the House of Commons. Anyway, it is my belief that the very idea of justice is in fact a kind of warped mythology. There is no such thing as justice at the end of the day; it is a figment of a politician’s and or lawyer’s limited imagination.

Gandhi said “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind”. Another way of looking at it perhaps is to say that there is a moral price to pay, whether or not you believe that you are right or wrong, for *legal* retribution. If that is so then where does *justice* fit in? Is justice achieved by attempting to balance what a particular society perceives to be a wrong by causing yet more pain? Does this help to alleviate grief or add to it, ultimately? Time and time again you see people on the court steps proclaiming justice has been done, but has it? I think people mistake justice for revenge, surely that’s just storing up more hatred. You simply cannot cause any kind of inconvenience to someone else without generating a negative reaction. Whatever happened to “turning the other cheek”? 
On this, what a society perceives to be a wrong business. Take Holland for instance. There you can legally have sex with a 13 year old in return for two buckets of cocaine and be given the Queens award for initiative. Thirty miles away in England, you’d get 30 years at Her Majesty’s pleasure for that! There’s no justice! Sit back down, I’m joking!

And don’t run away with the idea that America has the monopoly on reprehensible behaviour. Just a couple of years ago, here in the UK, a woman stabbed her boyfriend in an argument over a burger! I wonder, well not really, but it must have been something else to witness eh? I ordered FRIES YOU FUCKER!!! Stab Stab Stab! Whatever happened to Tony Blair’s cry/sound bite ‘tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime’? I repeat, A BURGER! Also there’s an ongoing case here now about a mother who had her own 8yr old daughter kidnapped for the sole purpose of getting money, you couldn’t make it up!

Of course at the other end of the intellectual spectrum just recently we have a lawyer’s mother suing her lawyer daughter over allegations made in a book about alleged abuse during childhood. I wonder what Christmas dinner in their house is going to be like? I ordered ROYAL SWAN YOU FUCKER!!! Stab Stab Stab! Makes you wonder just how far we’ve come since T Blair’s clause 4 statement/bollocks about the rights we enjoy reflecting the duties we owe, and where we live together, freely, in a spirit of solidarity, tolerance and respect. Pffffff. Ultimately people do not change, as leopards do not change their spots. I say people, as a general rule, have the same sense of morality as they did in back in Tudor England. I could be wrong of course, it’s just a personal view.

Of course the punishment for these people is the fact that they are basically stuck with being them, they are prisoners inside their own heads. A neighbour of mine happens to be much disliked, to put it mildly, hated I think would be a better way to describe it. Anyway one day I casually said to my mother, “Mother I do not hate this man, in fact I feel sorry for him.” “Why my dear son?”, she said, well not exactly those words, anyway I said that I do not hate him because imagine the misery of simply being him, being consumed by all things material and staying up all night inspecting his deeds to make sure any surrounding properties were not in breach of any covenants etc. That and the unimaginable misery of being in close proximity to his pig-ugly wife, no no, being that man would be an absolute nightmare. Anyway hate requires too much energy, then again so does feeling sorry for him, hmmm a dichotomy. 

Anyway, back to the above mentioned women, now you could argue that hanging either of these women would be no great loss to society, and I would almost be inclined to agree, but what does it say about a society that chooses to punish someone, albeit of limited intelligence, to the extent that society has the God given right to take a life? I would say, it hardens society by making life itself appear almost worthless. To the pro-death lobby I would say because you are essentially asking someone else to kill/murder on your behalf, where is the morality or even justice in that? Why should you expect someone else to shoulder the burden? It’s also a submission to fear, a fear that believes crime would rocket if the death penalty were not in place. Some would argue that a life spent in prison is actually a worse punishment than death and would therefore act as a bigger deterrent.

Whenever I see a documentary on the American prison system and in particular death row, black men seem to make up the vast majority of in-mates. Some of them have done terrible things no doubt, but that surely does not justify treating them in this way. Given the recent election victory of Barack Obama, I was wondering, given his “civil rights” background, if he is going to abolish the death penalty? If Obama intends or is persuaded to leave the system alone then I think that tells you everything you need to know about the direction in which he intends to steer the American people. So, in my humble opinion, never mind Guantanamo, the death penalty is the most urgent civil rights issue he faces on his own doorstep, in his own country.

Notwithstanding, I have read that Obama is in fact pro death penalty, but only if it’s the “right guy”. FUCK ME! There I was under the impression I was right of Genghis Kahn and all the time I was left of Obama. There’s nowt as queer as folk! On a serious note, he is making the wild and dangerous assumption that a judicial system has the capacity or capability of being perfect and is therefore unable to arrive at an incorrect decision. This smacks of legal arrogance in the extreme, especially in light of the fact that every other western democracy deals with crime without the death penalty. 

I think you have to put yourself in the position of being the one person, the “one in a million”, who has been wrongly accused, even their own families don’t believe them, and then imagine that long walk to the death chamber. No matter how you look at it, it is nothing more than a system of revenge. If you look at it from a religious stand-point then where are you, exactly? Only God can give life and only God can take life away. If you believe that in your heart, then how could you possibly be pro death penalty? Does this not put Obama’s legal and religious credentials in question? Perhaps he’ll change his mind. Now that would be “change” many Americans, and I suspect those on death row, could live with, whatever they’ve done.Will he act?

We have but two Hopes, No Hope and Bob Hope

Higgs Boson

Copyright: Higgs Boson 2008

OBAMA

Being a musician I can claim to be above politics and as such do not have any political allegiances. Notwithstanding, I find it interesting that the Americans have just ‘elected’ their 24th lawyer as President. As a mere uneducated observer I would say that all the ‘talk’ sounds very familiar, then again it would do because Tony Blair is also a lawyer and as you probably know was elected here in the UK back in 1997, using virtually the same rhetoric as Obama (change, hope, new dawn etc.). Blair actually said at one point that ‘this is not a time for sound-bites’ and then promptly delivered one “I really feel the hand of history” yada yada…

So I’m afraid I’ve heard it all before, and when the dust settles I think you’ll find that things won’t have changed that much, certainly not to the extent that ordinary people will feel a difference. Governments simply do not have the money to affect the sort of change envisaged or promised. Obama is already talking it down….I think you’ll find, rather worryingly, at the end of the day that there isn’t really that much difference between Blair and Obama and Blair, with Brown at his side, have destroyed the United Kingdom and have put us ALL in harms way by alienating the entire Muslim world. Bush played his part of course, he was the muscle, but Blair and Brown were the brains behind it.

So, my advice to my American cousins/friends is to not get too excited, don’t expect too much because the problems caused by the political leaders of the past ten years are going to have biblical repercussions for many years to come. The problems for Obama will increase in time because he has been responsible, just like Tony Blair, for raising expectations beyond what is sustainable.

Take interest rates; they are talking about a significant drop in interest rates, which has now happened. In my opinion this is bad news. Low interest rates encourage excessive borrowing and discourages saving. Conversely high interest rates discourages borrowing and encourages saving. No matter how you look at it , it’s all robbing Peter to pay Paul economics, it’s an elusion, it cannot serve all the people, in other words it’s not possible for everyone to pay into a system and get more in return without a debt being created somewhere down the line. So, whatever Obama’s economic spin machine manages to come up with, take it with a pinch of salt. Whatever it turns out to be, whatever the plan, it won’t be a million miles away from what Blair and Brown did here and when you examine the reality all you’ll discover is that the deck chairs on the Titanic have been rearranged to suite them, the people who surround Obama, watch closely.

On the issue of ‘race’; I would say that, from what I’m hearing from the British media, who appear to have completely lost the plot by perpetually over emphasising the colour of Obama’s skin and harking on about ‘slave ships etc. is that racism is very much alive and well. Why on earth make such a big issue of the fact he’s black? Yes he’s unexpectedly reached the top of the mountain but if that’s happened as a direct consequence of the fact he just happens to be black; in other words people voted for him just because he’s black, then that is a clear act of racism…I couldn’t care less what colour Obama is, to me he’s just another well presented/spoken lawyer. In any case, he may be the chief jailer but all the white guys are holding all the keys, unless he’s planning on doing a Mugabe?

My daughter happens to be half Japanese, that doesn’t make her ‘of a different race/colour’ does it; to me she’s simply a human being, a citizen of the world, like me. What my daughters genetic inheritance certainly does not do is cause her to *think* in a different way to me or anyone else for that matter. Given that Obama seems to be afflicted with intransigent religious beliefs, the most worrying aspect of fundamentalist Christians’ being involved in world politics, I am concerned, given the dire economic situation created by our beloved politicians, that I’m not going to be forced to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in the Bible (Exodus 21:7) I hope that’s not the ‘promise land’ he’s been promising everyone? I have to say though; certain black people seem to be their own worst enemy, just like a certain few whites I could mention, and have done. 

Anyway, a few years ago they were talking-up the idea of having ‘black cinemas’ how utterly mad is that, it’s nothing short of a self imposed apartheid, the only outcome of which would be to emphasise that there is or could be an intellectual difference between various shades of the rainbow. Here in the UK the Labour party is talking about fast-tracking certain black MPs or potential MPs into so-called ‘safe seats’. This is another form of racism; it’s only going to get worse!

Just how far down this genetic route are they going to go? As I understand it we all emanate from Africa so why make such a big deal out of lineage and skin colour? Every time the British media talk about this they succeed in generating an ‘us and them’ mentality. Just the other night, on a serious BBC news program (Newsnight) with Jeremy Paxman he interviewed the Hip-Hop star Dizzy Rascal in what I could only presume to be an attempt to let the British people envisage what a black Prime Minister would be like. A more unlikely character you could not wish to meet but by interviewing this person in particular, they (Paxman) made an absolute mockery of this news program and this whole pseudo debate….

Obviously I don’t know Obama but let me just say that I have NEVER met a decent lawyer. As we speak, a firm of lawyers are taking my family to the cleaners. As you’ve probably gathered I have an exceptionally low opinion of lawyers, and for good reason having been confronted with them on various occasions. Although not particularly clever they are incredibly devious and manipulative and have a very nasty habit of grossly exaggerating their case to the point of blatant lying, especially when it comes to their ‘costs’. On that note, I bid you all good day….

Higgs Boson

http://www.myspace.com/higgsbosonuniverse

Copyright: Higgs Boson 2009

The Kampf

Chapter three

Wealth and Inheritance

They say poverty is relative. Heather Mills’s idea of poverty is a mere 24 million in the bank and a paltry 35k annual allowance for the orf spring. I wonder what Paul said to her to piss her off so much? Hell hath no wroth, as they also say. I loved it when she came out onto the court steps proclaiming a victory and then went on to say that the child will have to suffer b-class travel arrangements due to the stingy amount awarded, astonishing ineptitude and a public relations disaster, for her.

Lets make poverty history?

Of course, I agree with the general sentiment here but this much over used slogan is clearly ridiculous, especially when said by politicians and the like. It’s very much like this idea or utopian stupidity of ‘full employment’ and everyone can get back more than they put in etc. It’s just not possible and I wish people would stop pushing the idea. Provided you agree with the fundamental principle that some people get paid more for doing certain jobs than others then relative poverty will always exist. I must admit, I find it mildly irritating when I see that oik Bono pon-sing around the world hob-knobbing with all and sundry pretending to be some kind of modern-day poverty wizard. It’s clearly a load of bollocks, and does Bono actually believe that just by talking to whoever at the top of the food-chain can somehow eliminate global poverty? Has he eliminated poverty in his own backyard, is my question. Obviously I don’t know the man but it does seem that poverty and Bono along with most other celebrities that jump on the poverty band wagon are not exactly bed-fellows.

Apparently, the imaginatively named Nigella Lawson, daughter of Nigel Lawson (ex Chancellor of the Exchequer) has been saying that children should not inherit their parent’s wealth because it is a good lesson in life for them to earn their own way. My immediate response; well, that’s alright for her to say isn’t it. As far as I’m concerned the very worst kinds of people are nearly always those that have ‘endured the struggle’, the kampf indeed. Let’s face it; those that have the most have had to, at some point, get very nasty and or selfish in order to obtain that wealth. This would perhaps explain why, whenever you meet a genuine Lord, landed gentry (old money) as it’s known, they’re nearly always relatively reasonable people, and the reason is that they haven’t had to endure the struggle for wealth because they inherited it. That’s not to say they don’t care about money, of course they do, its just that they look at it differently. To them, their function is one of caretaker for the next generation, and why not? If you can’t look after your own family, who can you look after?

When people like Nigella talk of this subject in this way what does it tell us about the attitude of people in general? It is a clear challenge to the basic principle of – better to give than receive. What sort of lesson is it when you tell your own children; no, you’re getting fuck-all, get a JOB you lazy fuck! And by the way, he’s not your father! It’s Lord Bath! Of course I jest, in saying that I do think we would be much better off scraping local Government and going back to a feudal lord system with people like Lord Bath running the country. Imagine it, would it not be infinitely better to deal with Lord Bath than some snotty-nosed over-paid up-start at the local council office. Neighbour problems could be almost instantly rectified by his-lordship making a decision on the spot and have the offending neighbour larched and or put in stocks; this would certainly put an element of fun back into the justice system, would it not.

Higgs Boson

Copyright: Higgs Boson 2009

The Kampf

Chapter two

Politics

Well, I must admit, despite the fact that I actually think that musicians should keep their snouts out of politics altogether I’m afraid I just can’t resist saying something about it, comedians are at it so why shouldn’t I ? – So, where do I begin? I suppose a good start would be to talk about my Grandfather on my mother’s side of the family, a huge influence on me as it happens. He was born in the year 1900. He died in January 1986, same day as the Shuttle disaster. He fought in two World Wars, he did his duty, he served his country.

Voting…

Whatever it was that made people like my Grandfather fight in two World Wars is of course debatable. Obviously the threat of invasion played a major part but I can’t quite bring myself to believe it was ’freedom and democracy’ in the way our beloved politicians would have us believe, especially for those who willingly gave their lives, those brave souls who fought at Dunkirk for instance, knowing full-well that for them it was the end. The attitude was one of – well when I’m killed someone will be able to climb over my body to gain another foot or so up the beach – moving but depressing stuff. I always think of these men when I’m confronted with mindless bureaucracy created by the politicians who claim that their right to exist as politicians was brought about by the efforts and motives of such men. Perhaps the politicians would do well to consider the notion that their motives were much more to do with protecting their own families rather than keeping politicians families in pate de fuagre. War, is after all a failure of politics, is it not.

My Grandfather came from what I would describe as humble beginnings; he left school at the age of 14 with very little education but somehow managed to survive on his wits. He always described himself as a Menshevik; I was never quite sure what that meant over and above some kind of Socialist? I do know that he was vehemently anti-authority and perhaps this rubbed off on me a tad. I have somewhere a photograph of him eating his last bag of chips before the Government put VAT on them. Talk about defiance…I won’t go into details but he was a very brave man, especially in the First World War. He was awarded the Croix de Guerre. Interestingly, through all the hardship/heartache not to mention huge sacrifices he only ever voted once in his entire life and that was because my Grandmother nagged him about it. He told me that within weeks of voting for this character, once elected was given the directorship of 4 banks at a salary of over 100k per annum. I’m not entirely sure when this was but I think it was back in the early 1950’s when 100k was an absolute fortune. I mean you could’ve purchased half of Wales for that sort of money and still had enough change for a sizable bucket of the legendary Hockings Ice-cream.

Such is the disillusion with politics here in the UK the voting habits of the nation are at an all-time low. This is hugely encouraging, although I suspect that the reason has more to do with drunken laziness than any intellectual stand-point. Notwithstanding, it seems incredible to me that politicians claim to have a ’mandate’ to introduce all sorts of extreme legislation most of which people in general, when sober, disagree with. Politicians are clearly using 9/11 as an excuse to spend enormous sums of public money. Media pressure clearly leads to knee-jerk politics, introducing draconian laws drafted by those witless buffoons that went to Oxford and Cambridge. Take this business of ID cards, now how in gods name is this going to protect us from terrorism?….these fuckers are on a cash and information drive….that’s what it is. It would not surprise me in the slightest if they all have shares in the company that produces the cards. ALL politicians seem to have one aim, and that is to remove our rights and privileges whilst making merry with public money.

It also seems to me that politicians spend the vast majority of their time squabbling over internal party political affairs, at public expense. Look at this recent debacle over MPs expenses. Fuck me no wonder they look so pissed off when they lose an election. Becoming an MP is a bit like winning the fucking lottery. Well let’s face it; you need to actually be a lottery winner in order to fund any kind of election campaign these days and that being the case you have to question the credibility of any democracy that is run on such a basis. EU politicians (MEPs) got caught red-handed with their snouts in the trough. Apparently they were turning up at Brussels purely to claim their expenses then getting back on the train to go home, fuckers. And another thing: where the fuck do they find all these people with enough spare cash to fund there political parties in the first place? Bernie Ecclestone (Formula One Racing) apparently gave the Labour party one million pounds, one fucking million! How bereft of morals, what kind of manipulative a-moral sod would you have to be to actually have a million in spare change to give to that lot? Surely, if you had any kind of moral base whatsoever you’d give it to an orphanage or something, wouldn’t you? I mean if I had a spare million floating around the fucking labour party would be at the very bottom of my list of priorities!

I sometimes watch a TV program called Question Time hosted by the eminently respectable David Dimbleby. The program consists of a panel of guests, a mixture of politicians and celebrities usually, with an audience made-up from members of the public. The big subject this week was this new EU Treaty, yawn. According to some politicians this treaty will deny yet more of our rights and remove our UK politicians from the decision making process .. issues. Paradoxically that fact alone I would have thought gives it the thumbs-up? According to some politicians this treaty is so radical that it requires a referendum before it is ratified. Anyway, this week’s ’celebrity’ was broadcaster and comedian Marcus Brigstocke who appeared to be saying that because the treaty is so complicated we the public should not be voting on it in a referendum. He went on to say that this is why we elect politicians who are intelligent enough to understand the complexities of said treaty, it’s a parliamentary democracy etc etc…. Well then, surely, the act of determining the intelligence of a politician is even more complex so using his argument we shouldn’t be voting at all. Quite right Marcus, after all Blair was elected on the basis of his youth, and that ridiculous smile, was he not? You simply can’t make these sorts of decisions on the back of deliberately distorted media presentations and two minutes on the fucking doorstep, if you’re lucky, or unlucky as the case may be. In case you were in any doubt about how seriously deluded our politicians are; take the new 24h drinking laws and recent smoking ban. Our politicians actually thought this would generate a continental café style culture in Britain. Fucking unbelievable! It simply does not get anymore removed from reality than that…I quite like what Frankie Boyle said about the recent smoking ban. Apparently a number of grotty/horrible pubs in Glasgow put tables and chairs outside and it all started to look like Paris after a Nuclear War. I mean, EU politicians must be shitting themselves at the idea of Britain being more involved in mainland Europe decision making. I would be if I were them. —- Incidentally, if there was a referendum on whether or not the UK should remain part of the European Union I would vote to stay out, simply to save Europe from the English. When I go to France for a holiday the very last thing I want to see is a fucking roadside Little Chef café or worse…..Before you know it the Eiffel Tower will get bull-dozed to make way for sheltered housing. I certainly have mixed emotions whenever I see hoards of Brits heading off to foreign parts. On one hand I’m glad they’ve gone and on the other I feel really embarrassed/sorry for the poor fuckers on the other end who have to endure their presence.

It just amazes and amuses me that politicians would have us all believe that they are somehow presiding over a huge success story when half the country is in massive amounts of personal debt, people are binge drinking themselves to death and pulling out their own teeth. Binge drinking, is another recent political sound bite isn’t it. When did this happen? As I understand it, binge drinking is brief periods of heavy drinking followed by abstinence. What the fuck are they talking about, this has always happened, abstinence happens when your money runs out.

Apparently we now consume 14 million pints less than we did during the 1970s, why am I not surprised. People in the 70s must have been considerably better off than we are now because I went for beer the other day and very nearly had to give the bank manager a call. So the problem of alcoholism must have been a lot worse back then and yet at that time politicians were silent on the issue. Why? This is yet more proof, if proof were needed, that they are perpetually scratching where there is no itch. They are continually sticking their noses into people’s private parts, literally in some cases.

People have a right to drink but they do not have a right to expect other people to pay for the consequences. The same goes for drugs, smoking or any self inflicted disease. My policy on drugs is simple: Prince Charles or the Duke of Westminster should buy-up all there is and leave it in a fucking great heap on Dartmoor. People could then simply help themselves, those that want to kill themselves, go ahead. This would certainly help decrease the surplus population! Cripes, I’m starting to sound like Scrooge, I don’t care!

Just look at the Houses of Parliament, the whole systems a fucking joke. As far as I’m concerned the very best outcome of any election is a ’hung Parliament’ (votes evenly distributed between political parties with no out-right winner). This is to have 650 politicians all scratching their arses unable to agree on anything. This means they won’t be able to fuck anything else up. Lest we forget Adolph, better just call him Adolph because such is the level of political correctness (PC) here in Europe the very mention of the word Hitler is about as welcome as an itchy bell-end at the state opening of an orphanage, was democratically elected.

Talking of which, as soon as Blair and Brown appeared on our television screens I knew they were blagging their way to the top. Remember the old adage: the organization of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank – the really big chunks always rise to the top. Anyway, Blair and Brown were clearly taking full advantage of the death of John Smith, one of the very few decent men on the political scene at that time. As soon as Blair was elected Labour leader what did he do, scrap clause four of the Labour Party constitution. That’s like ripping out the Sermon on the Mount from the Bible. From that point on New Labour, as it became known, instantly transformed itself into a sort of vacuous bubble of media-driven nothingness. Anyway, as predicted his Tonyness turns-out to be more Tory (right wing) than Thatcher ever was. In fact Mrs Thatcher was the first senior politician to visit Blair after he was elected. She came out of No.10 and casually proclaimed Blair as ’alright’. He’ll do, sort of thing.

What I found deeply disturbing was that people here simply bought into the whole thing to such an extent that some really quite serious financial misdemeanors were almost immediately forgiven and forgotten in a very short space of time, hence the phrase ’Teflon Tony’. New Labour began to implement policies the Tories could only dream about. Take Labours beloved sacred cow the National Health Service (NHS). Now if the Tories so much as mentioned privatisation (public ownership) in relation to the NHS there would’ve been riots in the streets. Enter Blairs teeth and it wasn’t long before they were talking about a private finance initiative (PFI). The Tories were like rabbits caught in the headlights. Labour were clearly pursuing policies that were beyond the dreams of even Mrs Thatch.

The problem is what you have here in the UK is basically two-party politics. Interestingly they call this democracy? Is this the people’s choice? I mean if you go into a restaurant and there are only two items on the menu, shit with salt and shit with pepper, you’d just walk out, wouldn’t you? Anyway, I tend to veer toward the lesser of two evils as I see it, that’s sympathetically or psychologically rather than hard support you understand. The lesser for my money has got to be the Tories and I’ll tell you exactly why. To start with a little financial skull-duggery is a given, and the Tories were at it for sure, but on a much lesser scale. Lest we forget, the Tories downfall in 97 was brought about by that weasel Neil Hamilton who caused an up-roar over the paltry sum of ten grand which was basically, as I understand it, a French hotel bill paid by Mohammed Al fied. This is chicken-feed when compared to the sums New-Labour is dealing with. Tony’s best mate Peter Mandelson has more than that in loose change stuffed down his fucking underpants. With Labour we’ve had one financial scandal after another, absolutely relentless corruption on a biblical scale. These fekers are so wealthy they can actually give one another mortgages. This is the so-called ’third way’ Socialism for the few: from each according to his needs, to each for as little as he can get away with. During the 97 election campaign I’ve never heard such bollocks talked in my entire life. They had more slogans than I could ever be bothered to remember but I do remember that they said that they needed to clean up politics and its time for a new start….Things can only get better…My Government will be ’whiter than white’…..etc…..pfffffffffff. – The fekers, people who actually believed this shit were entitled to vote!!!!! – think on……

For my money the Tories only redeeming feature is that they were far too busy sleeping with each others wives and or swinging from chandeliers in full leathers and chains to be bothered with the mundane business of law and policy making. In contrast, these Labour fuckers are serious politicians, professional indeed, fucking disaster, they actually believe the hype, or do they?

Parliamentary democracy is a system that elects people to administer and in many cases remove/control your freedoms in order to keep large groups of people under control. The issue is one of trust; the problems arise when you elect people who are either corrupt and or incompetent. Ask yourself the question why anyone would want to be a politician in the first place? They either crave power, which is a form of corruption in itself, or they are unable to get alternative employment, incompetent. With this in mind, just in case you were thinking of rushing out to vote. Here’s a brief synopsis, a mere snapshot if you will of UK Government activity since 1997 which, I might add, excludes dodgy sexed-up dossiers, Iraq/Afghanistan and so on….I’m afraid there aren’t enough hours in the fucking day for me to be writing about that!

May 1997 Mohammed Sarwar accused of bribery
Each year Blair’s freebie holidays
November 1997 Bernie Eccleston’s £1 million donation investigated
March 1998 Lord Irvine’s £650,000 wallpaper
March 1998 Scottish Parliament building tendering process & construction
July 1998 Downing Street adviser Roger Liddle investigate dover lobbying links
August 1998 Robin Cook’s affair with Gaynor Regan exposed
October 1998 Ron Davies’s Moment of Madness on Clapham Common
November 1998 Nick Brown admits paying for gay sex
December 1998 Geoffrey Robinson resigns over loaning money to Mandelson
December 1998 Peter Mandelson resigns over Geoffrey Robinson loan
July 1999 Derek Draper & Lobbygate
July 1999 Ken Collins, former Labour MEP, appointed chairman of the Scottish Environment Protection Agency with a salary of £45,000
October 1999 Ron Davies goes badger watching
October 1999 October 1999 – Failed Labour candidate Joan Aitken appointed as the Prisons Complaints Commissioner.
September 1999 Scottish Labour Party lobbying scandal
January 2000 Geoffrey Robinson faces fraud inquiry over Transtec
January 2000 Gordon Brown faces Inquiry over flat purchased from Maxwell ruins
January 2000 January 2000 – Police arrest Philip Chalmers, who earned £50,000-a-year as head of the Scottish Executive’s strategic communications unit, for being drunk at the wheel of his car in a red light district with a prostitute.
April 2000 John Prescott fails to disclose benefit of Union owned flat.
June 2000 Geoffrey Robinson in trouble with Belgian tax authorities.
June 2000 Lord Ali in trouble for using House of Lords as business address.
July 2000 David Blunkett fails to declare income from rent on his Wimbledon home
November 2000 Cherie Blair & Nannygate.
January 2001 Buyer of Millennium Dome Robert Bourne accused over donation to Labour
January 2001 Peter Mandelson resigns for the second time.
April 2001 – Failed Labour candidate Keith Geddes appointed to board of Scottish Natural Heritage
May 2001 May 2001 – Robin Young, a former non-executive director of Bovis (construction managers of the Scottish Parliament) appointed as permanent secretary at the Department of Trade and Industry
July 2001 Hindujahs receive passports after Labour donation
November 2001 Henry McLeish resigns as Scottish First Minister after office expense scandal
November 2001 November 2001 – Jack McConnell admits to affair with Labour party secretary who he tried to keep in situ by appealing to Labour MPs for funds. He says he has had no other affairs.
December 2001 Keith Vaz criticised by Standards Commissioner over business links
December 2001 Nigel Griffiths and £40,000 office expenses
January 2002 – Norman Murray, Labour councillor and former convenor of the Convention of Scottish Local Authorities, appointed board member of the Scottish Ambulance Service at £7,305 a year
January 2002 Labour spin doctors trash reputation of Rose Addis
January 2002 Enron accused of buying access to Labour after donation.
February 2002 Arthur Andersen & donations to Labour
February 2002 Martin Sixsmith forced to resign by Stephen Byers
February 2002 Jo Moore resigns over ’burying bad news’ email
March 2002 Lakshmi Mittal
March 2002 Donnygate Doncaster Labour scandal ends in prison for Labour councillors
May 2002 Stephen Byers resigns from government after various scandals
May 2002 Tessa Jowell criticises Labour for accepting donation from Richard Desmond
June 2002 Ken Livingstone accused of manhandling his partner while drunk at a party
June 2002 Black Rod accuses Downing Street of trying to muscle in on Queen Mother’s funeral
June 2002 Labour spin doctors accuse Paddington crash victim Pam Warren of being a Tory stooge
July 2002 Carphone Warehouse chairman claims Lord Levy tried to nobble a £1 million donation.
September 2002 Labour MP Alan Meale in trouble over deportation case linked to donation.
October 2002 – Lanarkshire Labour party hold a Red Rose Dinner attended by a notorious drug baron called Justin McAlroy
October 2002 – Forty-four constituency Labour parties in Scotland revealed to have failed to register agreements to accept regular donations from trades unions. Failure to do so is a criminal offence.
December 2002 Cherie Blair apologises over links to conman Peter Foster
March 2003 Clive Betts MP employed rent boy in House of Commons office
August 2003 David Kelly commits suicide
August 2003 Chris Bryant pictured in briefs on Gaydar website
August 2003 – Defeated Labour MSP Iain Gray appointed as Alistair Darling’s special adviser at a salary of £60,000
August 2003 – Failed Labour candidate Pat Kelly appointed to board of Scottish Water.
September 2003 – Harry McGuigan, a leading Lanarkshire Labour councillor appointed as a member of the Scottish Children’s Reporter Administration board.
November 2003 Margaret Hodge forced to resign over libelling Demetrious Panton
April 2004 Beverley Hughes resigns over Immigration scandal
February 2004 Labour criticised by Electoral Commission for late tendering of accounts
January 2004 – Revealed that Schlumberger hired disgraced special adviser Philip Chalmers to run the Scottish Tourist Board’s Visit Scotland website. The website is part of a Scottish Executive PFI contract
May 2004 Lord Drayson’s company wins non competitive tender contract after £50,000 donation to Labour
May 2004 – Failed Labour candidate Hugh Raven, a former parliamentary assistant to Peter Peacock, the education minister, awarded a £23,415 contract as a board member of Scottish Natural Heritage.
June 2004 – Willie Haughey, who has donated hundreds of thousands of pounds to the Labour party, appointed to the post of chairman of Scottish Enterprise Glasgow.
August 2004 August 2004 – Former Edinburgh Labour Provost Eric Milligan appointed Scotland’s “welcome czar” to the tourism industry. Although not paid a salary he receives expenses to travel the world.
October 2004 – Revealed that 70% of Scottish quango appointees have links to the Labour party.
December 2004 Oona King offered £10000 to bed Labour Euro MP.
January 2005 – Sarah Davidson, once an adviser to former Scottish secretary Helen Liddell, lands a £75,000-a-year job enforcing McConnell’s smoking ban. The new job was never advertised. She was the civil servant who presided over a £200m rise in the cost of Holyrood before taking a six-month sabbatical to travel round the world.
January 2005 Candy Atherton’s researcher digs for gay Tory dirt
January 2005 – Jack McConnell fails to register a holiday at the Spanish villa of BBC broadcaster Kirsty Wark.
February 2005 Cherie Blair embarks on lucrative Australian speaking tour.
March 2005 Labour charges £200 for candidate contact details.
April 2005 – Brian Wilson MP’s final section on Register of Members’ Interests shows directorships and advisory roles to renewable energy firms. As Energy Minister he promoted renewable energy
April 2005 – Revealed that Jack McConnell met with Labour donor Willie Haughey to discuss compensation on a land deal where the M74 would pass through Haughey’s property. Initial compensation of £7.4 million rose to £16.5 million.
May 2005 Birmingham Labour Party accused over post voting irregularities.
June 2005 Cherie Opens Shopping centre for Malaysian millionaire
June 2005 Labour MSP Ken MacIntosh resigns over non declaration of financial interests
June 2005 Cherie Blair cashes in on Tony’s Washington trip.
July 2005 – Defeated Labour MP David Stewart gets job with the publicly funded SCVO only two months after losing his seat.
August 2005 – Revealed that disgraced former Scottish Executive special adviser, Phil Chalmers, is heading up a bid by French IT firm Atos Origin to secure some of the ID card contracts.
September 2005 Michael Watson MSP blamed for arson.
October 2005 Blunkett resigns over links to DNA firm
October 2005 Cherie Gets £100,000 for “charity” speaking tour
October 2005 Stephen Byers apologies for lieing over Railtrack.
March 2006 – Defeated Labour MP Calum MacDonald gets publicly paid job as Forestry Commissioner
March 2006 Tessa Jowell & husband
March 2006 Peerages for Cash
March 2006 Prescott pays no Council tax
March 2006 Margaret Beckett’s Royal Flights
February 2006 Ken Livingstone loses Standards Board appeal over anti-Jewish remarks.
April 2006 Cameron MacIntosh says he was offered Peerage for loan
April 2006 Peter Law’s ’peerage’
April 2006 Charles Clarke & the failed deportations
April 2006 John Prescott’s Affair(s)
April 2006 Cherie Blair’s hairdressing bill
April 2006 – Jack McConnell under pressure over breaking the ministerial code of conduct by giving public backing to a luxury golf resort planned by Donald Trump which could prejudice the planning process for the development
April 2006 – Revealed that Jack McConnell met with furniture tycoon Robert Morris over compensation to relocate his factory on the route of the M74 extension. The £35million was more than double the original compensation offer….

Etc….Etc…….Etc……..

The problem with all this is that when the public are subjected to this level of corruption, when politicians get caught out on a lie it has a disastrous effect on society in general. In short, people start thinking it’s perfectly ok to lie their little heads off over just about anything. Bullshit here in the UK has reached epidemic proportions; some people are so deluded they fervently believe their own lies to be the truth. I suppose if you keep repeating a lie it becomes the truth? This is a syndrome suffered by politicians of course but it filters down. Look at football, how many times have you seen a footballer adamantly deny any wrong doing despite his actions being witnessed by 50 million people? Most people won’t admit fault even if you have their privates in a vice, it’s what I now call Blair Syndrome (BS). Whatever happened to ’an Englishman’s word is his bond’?

The prelude to all this as far as I am concerned was that the Blair/Brown Government were elected on an ocean of deception and media manipulation. As a result the perception was that, when elected, Labour would return to certain Socialist values and bring at least a few of the large utility companies back into public ownership. One of the sideshows in the run-up to the 97 election was Air Traffic Control and the slogan ’our air is not for sale’. Did they re-nationalise it when elected? Did they fuck! They had no intention of re-nationalising anything. The one thing I would have supported is the re-nationalising of the water company, this didn’t happen either. This makes my fucking blood boil it really does. I’m so sick and tired of this continuing debate about the cost of water and how we must all conserve it. Jesus H *********! We live on a fucking island which is surrounded by fucking water where it fucking rains 365 fucking days a year! Why the fuck are we having to conserve water all of a sudden? Not only that, we are now paying ten times as much for the fucking stuff than we were just 15 years ago! WHY!!! The product is free at the point of source and much of the pipe-work is already in place, paid for by the public. People are so paranoid about water usage now they’ve actually stopped washing. It won’t be long before the simple act of mingling with the public will require a fucking space suit to protect you from the smell! Still, that’s progress for you. The other day I got caught up in a queue, that’s so British isn’t it; I nearly passed out with the odour emanating from this old duffer. These days if you need a bath it would be cheaper to crack open and tip a bottle of Moet Chandon over you rather than open a fucking tap. This water cost paranoia has simply got to stop otherwise I’m gonna bust a blood vessel! ….

Local Government

Anyway, in my Grandfathers day perhaps ironically for him it was usually the socialist Government that sought to interfere and over-tax people so as to fund various failing nationalised industries. These days it’s not so much central Government, although I do find some of the stuff they are up to e.g. ID cards, an unbelievable intrusion into ones private affairs. Anyway, now, much of what use to be the responsibility of central Government has been delegated to local councils in which many of its employees would ironically not be out of place in a Nazi party…To these Government employees there is no ’spirit of the law’, only the letter, when it suits them!…and that letter can be manipulated to suite whatever purpose. Our local Government offices are more like a mini Kremlin rather than anything dreamt-up by Oliver Cromwell. They have an ’Officer’ for just about everything, pot-holes in the road – you name it.

Example 1

Some of you may have noticed in my pics section here on MySpace that I own an old American RV (Motorhome). I think the main reason I love it, given the fact I’m known for occasional bouts of obstinate perversity, is because people here in the UK absolutely fucking hate it. I’ve had people actually waving their fists at me for no apparent reason other than pure jealousy as far as I can make out. Either that or its hatred aided and abetted by the motoring celebrity Jeremy Clarkson who has a phobia about caravans and motorhomes because he *thinks* that they’re responsible for causing all traffic jams? Au contraire Jeremy, as it happens my experience is the exact opposite; every time I venture out I’m nearly always held-up by other road users in cars, Rovers usually, driven by old men in caps, usually, fuckers.

Anyroadup, one day I saw two people sniffing around outside casually taking photographs of the RV. I of course went out to confront/enquire as to their purpose. It turned out the two people were in fact council employees ’Planning Officers’, that has a certain third Reich ring to it, do you not think? – OFFICERS…That’s what they call themselves. let me clarify/reiterate: an unannounced official visit, taking photographs, on private property! The fucking cheek of it! What a shame I don’t live in America coz I could’ve shot both critters and be given an award for services to the community. Anyway, apparently one or several of my so-called neighbours (gutless bastards) have complained to the local Council about my RV. It seems the Council are obliged to investigate every complaint because if they do not investigate they could be held liable for any damages. Naturally, on hearing this bombshell I became argumentative and ordered them to stop taking photo’s immediately and explain themselves in full. Well of course this was asking too much but during the course of this unfolding altercation it became apparent that I was not dealing with Stephen Fry. It seems the Council in their infinite wisdom have decided that I am contravening planning regulations. When I asked in what form does this transgression take? said Planning Officer was unable to answer, it seems the very sight of it annoys them……he noticed it was hooked-up to electricity, this is to keep the batteries charged, but there was no-way I was going to tell him that, it’s none of his fucking business! He said, “You’re using it!” I said, “Well if you had a motorhome would you not use it”? He replied: “I wouldn’t have one”. This was like arguing with a fucking teenager and what’s infinitely worse is that I am paying this fuckers wages! No no no, what’s infinitely worse is that good honest men died for these fuckers to exist in the first place…

Example 2

As some of you may know I recently had occasion to visit Plymouth, very nice too, the Cornish side that is. Unfortunately the visit was somewhat marred by the fact that I was given confusing directions by a friend who assumed I would be approaching Plymouth from Exeter. Anyway, as it turns out I ended up going the wrong way and when I realised I had made a mistake I attempted to turn around, this meant crossing a ’white line’ in the middle of the road. Unfortunately all this was captured on CCTV and I will no-doubt receive a fixed penalty fine through the post as a result. The following day I had to make a specific journey to the Post Office to inform the Government that a vehicle of mine was no longer in use (off road) this is known as a SORN (Statutory Off Road Notification) declaration. I am legally charged with the responsibility of informing the Government that I’m ’not doing something’. The next day I received a letter from the BBC threatening me with legal action for not having a television…I’m not making this up by the way; trust me (that’s the politician in me coming out) this is just the very tip of the fucking iceberg.

Freedom?

I don’t know about the US but here in the UK our freedoms are rapidly disappearing, freedoms that people have actually died for are now gone, probably forever. I wonder how many of our soldiers would have bothered to fight if they knew that in a little over 50 years Rolls Royce would be owned by the Germans (and nothing wrong with that) and that Muslim Sharia law would be introduced in parts of Britain, and that many of our inner cities would be no-go areas. Not forgetting of course that Germany ends up being the richest nation in Europe and Japan the second richest on earth.

The point I am trying to make is that there seems to be no give and take, no room for manoeuvre in today’s rigid world of regulation and laws. This is brought into sharp focus when encountering anyone in a position of power. If this is democracy then you can stick it up your arse. We’d all be much better off living in a military dictatorship run by Sir Henry Wylde-Bore Smith. And by the way, don’t ever let anyone tell you we live in a ’democracy’. Your vote will not count; it will make absolutely no difference to anything whatsoever, if it did, they’d scrap it. As I said in a previous blog we live in a shaftocracy, one momentary lapse in concentration etc. Actually I think we live in deathocracy. There are millions of elderly people whose voting habits are determined on the basis of who’s going to give them a painless death? Further more there is no ’freedom of speech’ you cannot say what you like without falling foul of the law, especially when it comes to religion (blasphemy). The reason for this is that we live in a so-called multicultural society whereby people’s sensitivity has literally gone off the fucking chart.

Progress?

The call for *change* is one of the favourite soap-box slogans used by all politicians. What does it mean exactly, change/progress – progress/change…what it means is that the reason things need to change is because they fucked it up to start with. All political manifestos are built on the so-called need for change.

The other day I stumbled across a local town guide dated 1947. I couldn’t believe it; the place was really quite beautiful. I think Charles Kingsley described it as the little white town, it’s now known as the brown blob of shite, thanks to various local politicians, corrupt local councilors and property developers who get themselves on the planning committees.

In Cornwall, and here in Devon you can’t move for Londoners, they’re all desperate to vacate an area of the country that they themselves have totally ruined and by doing so find themselves being party to the destruction of their chosen destination. I live in what use to be a beautiful part of the country, a place where the said Londoner came on holiday. Well not any more, such is the extent of migration it’s all starting to look like Swindon on particularly shite day. Huge ugly housing estates are emerging. Politicians call this progress, I call it destruction. What’s needed is regress!

Here I am suggesting regress when the Government seem to be harking back to Roman times and appear to be sanctioning female cage fighting. Hardly surprising then, that in a recent survey it found that English and Scottish women are the most violent on the planet. Probably the most foul-mouthed as well. I’m not saying that my previous English girlfriends were hard but they could easily crack walnuts with their eyelids. Of course the worrying aspect of all this is that men, in their infinite wisdom, will feel the urge to up-the-anti in order to maintain a respectable differential. They’ll soon be carrying their testicles around in a wheelbarrow, this being a side effect of having applied too much nob enlargement cream. I have to admit, I am fast becoming ashamed and embarrassed by the British. If someone were to ask me for a British character reference I would probably recommend that they watch that TV program ’The Apprentice’ with Sir Alan Sugar, just to start with. There was a woman on that program that became known as ’super bitch’, she actually came from the town where I live. It gets worse, there’s a woman that lives opposite me that would give super bitch a real run for her money…..I suppose politicians at the end of the day reflect the people who elected them, so no wonder they’re a bunch of arseholes.

Devolution or Evolution

Here in the *United* Kingdom, well l I say United it’s hardly that, thanks to the politicians, Scotland want to be separate from England as do Wales and most of Northern Ireland, not to mention Cornwall or Kernow as it’s known. I love the Cornish, I love it because the *black economy* is thriving and as a consequence drives the authorities to complete distraction. Piracy, tiz een the blud bouy! I suppose this is why jokes like, what do you call a Cornishman in a suit? Answer – Defendant – exists.

The UK is clearly a much divided nation, my question is where’s all this going to end? I mean it won’t be long before places like Bury St Edmonds insist on acquiring their own nuclear deterrent and if recent reports on the failure of multi-culture are anything to go by, I wouldn’t blame them. Talking of which, all current UK politicians are banging on about how lucky we all are to be living in a *multi-cultural society* and we should be celebrating our differences etc. then in the next breath they tell us that these people, the foreigners presumably, need to undergo tests in order to determine their ’Britishness’, fuck-knows what that is? As I understand it the main concern is that they don’t speak English. I would have thought that if you celebrate diversity part of that diversity is language, other cultures communicate in their own language. This is surely cultural diversity at its most basic? By seeking to deny this basic level you have to ask just how multi-cultural are we? Its obvious to me that when you try and integrate people with extreme cultural differences this is a recipe for total belligerence on all sides. In other words it seems that true multi-culture is having real difficulties, and that’s putting it mildly. Notwithstanding, a society made up of various nationalities whereby the common denominator is the culture and language of the adopted country would clearly be more harmonious, for the indigenous population at any rate.

This rather obvious supposition appears to be completely lost on the Arch Bishop of Canterbury who recently advocated the introduction of Sharia law into British society. This is nothing more than a perpetuation of the ’us and them’ society. Also, just to exacerbate the malcontent, the divide between the rich and poor has never been greater, under a Labour Government I might add. When Jeremy Paxman interviewed Blair the question of the said financial divide was put to him, Blairs answer was to say that it’s better to bring the bottom layer up than the top layer down: now how fucking deluded is that?

As you probably know, devolution is devolving power from central Government to regional assemblies. Scotland has procured its own Parliament which has some minor legislative powers. The Holyrood building alone cost 420 million. Wales has an assembly, which is just a talking shop and now there’s talk of a north England assembly. And then there’s the Northern Ireland assembly, how much is that costing I wonder? All this means yet more politicians (jobs for the boys) more pointless laws, rules and regulations. It has to, otherwise what are they going to be doing with their time? I suppose they could all sit around discussing their expense accounts. I’m told that the allowances are incredibly generous; they can even claim £750 for a television for their second home!

Anyway, it seems to me that devolution and multi-culture have a problem; the two ideas are clearly incompatible, especially for those areas of Britain that want a complete break with England. They want cultural diversity provided the English don’t have a say in their affairs. This is clearly racist and sort of bizarre really when you consider how small the British Isles are. Of course I am referring to Scotland where people have had this abject hatred of the English ever since the battle of Culloden. I am part Scottish by the way; my ancestors fought the last clan feud in Scotland. These people were fucking mad! Hmmm, so that’s where I get it from? Anyway, given that people here in the UK are unable to agree a political way forward why do they think they are best placed to organise Europe? This is another incompatibility or contradiction, a united Europe and a completely divided UK thanks to devolution. Here you have an island mentality, what’s needed is about 20 million years of evolution before any of this is going to work, but in the meantime……..

The Solution

I suspect you all think I’m an anarchist, not a bit of it, I mean all groups or collections of people have a leader of some sort don’t they, tribes have a chief and so on, and by the way, I have a short message for the person who replies with “ah yes but the remote Iggywumba tribe in Papaya New Guinea runs on a non hierarchical system”. – FUCK OFF!!!

As I said I’m not an anarchist but they do say the best form of Government is ’benevolent dictatorship’. What I do know is that professional politicians of all variety do not have the answers. So, what is the answer? Well, I think we should reinstate the Royals. What is Parliament for anyway? Unless they use what is known as the ’Parliament act’ all legislation has to be passed by the largely un-elected House of Lords. Of course Blair and his cronies have tried to make it more democratic but is it, is it bollocks! Personally I think old Guy Fawkes had the right idea anyway, and incidentally I object to the November 5^th bon-fire night celebrations, purely on the grounds that Fawkes failed in his attempt, that and it upsets animals. Why on earth celebrate the fact he failed? Why this is treasonable talk! I don’t think so; in any case I am a Royalist, a cavalier. So, I think it’s time to abolish Parliament and re-instate the royals. Imagine it, Prince Charles in charge, now admittedly there are bound to be a few teething problems, the odd mad idea, but the point is there would be significantly fewer! And if Parliament is to remain then the reigning monarch should at least have authority over it. You know, back to pre-civil war times. I quite like the idea of King Charles marching on Parliament to dissolve it every time they come up with a fucking stupid idea.

Blimey, he’d wear is fucking boots out. Anyway, it seems the ex attorney general Lord Goldsmith and Gordon Brown agree with me. In a report they both commissioned it is being recommended that school-leavers should be encouraged to swear an oath of allegiance to the Queen. Lord Goldsmith says it would give teenagers a sense of belonging. Presumably this would precede sending them off to Afghanistan?

The Royals of course are also removed from reality in much the same way our beloved politicians are but in a more naive eccentric way, I think. I recently witnessed a somewhat surreal interview with Prince Harry who said that all his dreams have come true now that he’s been deployed in Afghanistan to fight the Taliban. I imagine that it must be so much more fun to actually get to shoot some people rather than ’this and that’ on his dad’s estate? I must admit to being, how should I put this, slightly amused when there he was in full battle dress looking like Rambo on steroids, in the middle of what I presumed to be a desert, he casually says’ it’s so nice to feel normal’. I know what you mean Harry…<

Higgs Boson

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Education

My dear little 4 year old daughter had her first day at school the other day. The best way to describe it perhaps would be to say, sweet but upsetting. After only a couple of days the tears have started and she is already rebelling against the whole idea. I remember my first day like it was yesterday, the whole process for me was nothing short of horrific. Anyway, I couldn’t help wondering why we are placing any kind of educational pressure on someone so young. The age of four is supposed to be a magical time of your life when your parents are taking all the strain and you can spend all day enjoying yourself and being waited-on hand and foot. Lovelly!!! Well not anymore, it seems the do-gooders and social welfare experts have their claws into this period of innocent fun. I think I’m right in saying that Great Britain (GB) is the only country in the world forcing its children at this young age into education. Could it be there’s a link between all our teenage problems and this early pressure being put on our toddlers?

As I’ve intimated, my daughters experience was in stark contrast to mine. Save for reading and writing I learnt absolutely bugger-all at school, certainly from the age of eleven onward. It was simple, the modus operandi was survival. If you could go the whole day without having the shit kicked out of you – that was a good day! I always felt that those who managed to avoid having their jaws realigned should’ve been awarded a special merit for initiative, but no. Sadly, unlike the people who enjoyed life under Genghis Khan we do not and have never lived in a meritocracy here in GB, more of a shaftocracy, one wrong move, one momentary lapse in concentration and you get shafted, by long-king-dongs bigger brother, usually. An Englishman’s word is his bond, bollocks! GB, welcome to a whole new world of pain!

So, it may or may not surprise you that like Shakespeare I did not go to University. Far better to live near one and capitalise on the benefits (women) rather than having to listen to a lot of boring old farts meaninglessly twittering on about fuck-all, caught in what I call a perpetual cycle of failure who, if it were not for the Universities would almost certainly be unemployed.

As I said my daughter is now at school and being a parent I was invited to the school for a discussion on their methodology. Now you’ll be amazed to hear that I didn’t really have much of a problem with how they intend to teach my daughter. No, my only concern, at this stage, was the level of involvement expected of the parents. I was absolutely horrified to learn that they actually expect me to do something, – shit…… This is surely going to expose me as the complete uneducated Neanderthal that I am. I thought Algebra was a small island off Spain! What’s going on? I mean does the surgeon ask you to be actively involved in the removal of grandpas’ genital warts? I don’t think so.

The school it seems has a worrying predilection for maths. This is an absolute disaster; I’m now dreading the homework. Why!! It never bothered me when I was actually at school why should it bother me now! I’ve worked this out. It’s the other parents; they look a bit snooty; they look like the sort of people who will relish the opportunity to make themselves look clever clog and me a complete twat. So Al, (physics teacher) if I get propositioned with x=y+zippadydooda= The Black and White Minstrel Show, you are just going to have to do it for me, and no back-chat mlad!

Anyway all was going relatively smoothly until entering one of the classrooms we were told not to refer to the large writing area on the wall as the ‘Blackboard’, this apparently has been outlawed by the government because it is deemed to be ‘racist’. They now refer to it as the ‘Whiteboard’. WTF!!! Here we go, now just hang on a minute; if Blackboard is racist then by definition so is Whiteboard. I have to say if I were black I would be extremely offended by this. Just because the name of something happens to have the word ‘black’ in it, because it is black, this does not make it offensive. UK Government policy is implying that the very word black is offensive, which is ultimately aiding and abetting institutionalised racism. I have black keys on my piano, what are they to be called, the pentatonic notes, or better still, the notes that aren’t white? If music is on the curriculum then I would imagine they’ll hit a slight problem when they encounter Debussy’s Gollywogs Cakewalk?

The second meeting at the school concerned ‘behaviour’. Now let me say at the outset: I think to attain discipline without the use of violence is an achievement, of sorts. I didn’t really think there was much of a problem with school policy until they said they had to threaten another parent with the Police because they shouted at another person’s child. Apparently government guidelines state that this constitutes a ‘verbal assault’. Hmmmm…..hang on a second, this is starting to smack of a grotesque level of governmental interference with the natural order…Be warned! Blair and Brown have created a quangocracy of bureaucrats/welfare experts, adrift in an ocean of cashola, ready to impose a reality duvet over every school in the country, fuckers! The result, schools are literally buried in a festival of regulation and guidelines that make little or no sense. Is bullying so bad? Here’s my first axiom ‘boys will be boys’. Some are aggressive others a little timid and sensitive, but you cannot regulate to the extent that every boy behaves as if he were the Admirable Crichton! For fuck sake!

There was none of this nonsense in my day. No political correctness. The whole system was run on the basis of violence. In fact there was virtual parity between violence in the playground and violence in the classroom. Simple, if wrong-doing became synonymous with a very sharp pain, this usual did the trick. I say usually, one boy, on leaving, went straight from school into Borstal (Juvenile Prison) whilst there the authorities apparently ‘broke him’. He now tortures little old ladies in a care home. Not really, but he does now own a Nursing Home and is a veritable pillar of society, bastard! He’s better off than me, and half the people I went to school with, including all those that went to University. All I’m saying is that just because your child gets a few knocks in the playground it’s not the end of the world. Its life, get over it.

Leaping forth….

Fact; Universities are losing credibility. I was surprised to learn that only 40% of employers believe the qualification has become devalued. I’m guessing that within that 40% there are some very significant players. A friend of mine works for a very well known software company. He tells me that such is the inability to carryout simple tasks by people who are literally armed to the teeth with qualifications (double first in computer science at Cambridge etc.) they no longer accept what is claimed on a persons CV. They now insist that they demonstrate their ability, in person, on a Blackboard, sorry Whiteboard (I’ll stop doing that now) before they are considered for employment. Invariably, he tells me, they end up employing some anorak who lives around the corner with no qualifications whatsoever. So where’s the value for money there then? Where’s the justification in spending all this money on higher education? Bertrand Russell apparently said, “The pursuit of knowledge is to be encouraged as it can be acquired by everyone at no-one’s detriment”. I don’t fucking think so Berty!

I would argue it’s to the detriment of the students themselves more than anything, especially when they find themselves (a) unemployed, or in a menial job, totally unrelated to their chosen degree subject and (b) up to their eye-balls in debt, which of course most of them are. In any case, it’s a known fact that education leads to beard growth, and that’s just the women. In some extreme cases it can lead to a moustache! But that’s rare, I’m told.

Despite the overwhelming evidence that could justify the scrapping of higher education altogether, especially Oxford and Cambridge, institutions founded on snobbery of the worst kind. Oxbridge produces more politicians than any other institution; this tells us something, does it not! Anyway Gordon Brown has just announced that he is most concerned with the fact that Britain is only producing 400,000 graduates each year, as apposed to the Chinese who produce several million, I’m told. Gordon clearly seas this as some kind of race, which must be won at all cost, ours!…… I have the answer! Send everyone a degree certificate in the post – job done. We’re already drowning in bloody graduates so why not do the job properly! Gordon claims that there’s a graduate skills shortage, graduate skills, what’s that then? Masturbating with Vicks super-rub and copying other peoples work off the Internet, possibly? – They must be doing something with their time if half of them are leaving school/university without the ability to read and or write. I can believe this, because I’ve locked horns with solicitors before now who were completely incapable of constructing a simple sentence. Just because they can translate a form of eighteenth century pirate language these fuckers think they’re worth £200 per hour, scumbags….or should I say scabby poltroons?

We live in a world where every mad decision can be attributed to some idiot with a degree. Look at out-of-town shopping centres; a direct result of some fucker with a degree in ‘town planning’ if ever there was one – I could spend all day here writing about the ridiculous decisions made by the high and mighty that defy logic, but I won’t. What I will say however, looking at various graduate forums etc. is that graduates are obsessed with their level of salary, they talk of graduate jobs and graduate salary is if they deserve some sort of special privilege. They never seem to talk about whether or not the job they are doing is of any value. One bloke said that he would not have gotten his job without his BSC qualification. So if these qualifications are the main criteria for employment across the board, anyone with the attributes of Shakespeare or Churchill would fail most job interviews. How mental is that? I can hear you say, what about medical doctors? Well, haven’t you noticed how they take all day typing the word ‘aspirin’ on their computer keyboards? I suppose you wouldn’t want your doctor to be any old numpty dragged off the street would you, unless of course your doctor happens to be Harold Shipman, or the like. Honestly, I could write a book about my three day roller-coaster experience in hospital recently, entitled ‘don’t stand so colostomy’. And all because the Muppet, otherwise known as my doctor, thought I had pulmonary something or other? 3 days of utter misery based on his educated guess. Doctors, I’ve shit’em….

Where was I? Ah….Interestingly the Japanese don’t inflict education on their young until the age of 7. Could it be that the Japanese have a better way? Their flock of graduates are far too busy naming their cars ‘Cedric’ to be bothered with the sort of social engineering being inflicted on my daughter. If you ever visit Japan you will notice that there are no rude daubings anywhere. Actually I found this slightly depressing, there’s nothing quite like a big cock drawn on the side of a bus to cheer everyone up! I digress, no… It seems the Japanese live in a very structured society. The Brits on the other hand are a very different kettle of fish, we in Britain hold all the records in Europe for obesity, poor health, child pregnancy/abuse and violent crime etc. the list is literally endless. Doubtless crime exists in Japan but you will rarely encounter drunkenness or any kind of violence.

A lot of Britain’s ills are being blamed on the lack of education, this is bollocks, it’s just that people here like drug-taking, fighting and shagging, simultaneously. This is a potent combination that’s served this country since the dawn of civilization. Furthermore, if my neighbours represent a microcosm of British society, then may the gods help us all. And I’m talking mainly retired people here, people who are to all intense and purposes, dead or almost dead. Here in Britain there are more boundary disputes than Palestine. If guns were as freely available here as they are in the United States there would be gun battles in every street in Britain, I guarantee it. This might explain why our monarch remains the figurehead for two thirds of this planet?

I digress, again. Look at Holland; the Dutch have completely disappeared up their own arses with this education racket. I’m told they have huge problems with over-education. Apparently they can’t find anyone to do any of the so-called ‘dirty jobs’, jobs that require bending over and stuff. I have the solution! Here in Britain we have literally hoards of Drama students looking for work who’ve spent the best part of three years, at great public expense, doing nothing other than bending over! These people are super-fit and cum fully acclimatised to up-hill-gardening! So, Holland being very flat, should be an absolute doddle? I was going to suggest sending over an army of toothless simpletons but they’re all too busy here running things.

Now there’s talk of inaccurate exam results which they claim are linked with online marking, this further exacerbates the credibility issue. Chris (crusty botch of nature) Woodhead (CBN) on the BBC says that “lives are at stake” because kids are missing their opportunity to go to University. What people like CBN fail to understand is that when they are assessing abilities based on their system, the failures, as he puts it, are not the fault of the children themselves; it is a monumental failure of parenting and teaching caught up in the system that people like CBN created in the first place, the system being society.

This educative training course racket is an absolute fucking cancer. On the news recently was a child who tragically drowned while two police officers looked on, and did nothing. Apparently the excuse was that they did not jump in to save this poor boy because, wait for it, they hadn’t been trained in ‘water rescue’! Now I understand that this is not a subject for levity but there is a link between this and how society is structured. And who’s responsible for this structure, it’s these fuckers that go to Cambridge…Something has to be done…I mean it won’t be long before people start having their arses stitched-up because they’re not trained to go for a shit!

Talking of which, an ex girlfriend of mine was offered a place at Cambridge; she turned it down in favour of London University. Silly cow, she could’ve been running a string of abortion clinics by now. Although personally I wouldn’t have her run a fucking bath much less a clinic. And as for mature students, a friend of mine sold his house, gave up a good job to go and do a degree in Archaeology; because he thought it would improve his job prospects. Errrrrrr wrong…..

Education is all very fine but I still maintain the old axiom ‘ignorance is bliss’ is an absolute. Always has been, always will be. Why? Let me explain……

Ignorance is a widely misunderstood word, it implies that you are too stupid to be educated; this is not the case, in my view it simply means you are unaware of certain facts. That is a state of mind most people are in, unless you happen to be my wife! The less you know the better. It leads to happiness, realistic expectations and ultimate fulfilment; add in a healthy dollop of ‘no ambition’ – voila! – Do not be alarmed my friend, for you are in Elysium!

It’s all these careerist fuckers running around with a broom up their arse so they can sweep the floor at the same time, busy-bodying themselves, and everyone in their wake, into an early grave who are destroying this planet. The sort of people who think that someone’s CV is some kind of affidavit from god! When the TRUTH is what they are looking at is a complete and utter pack of exaggerated bollocks, based on the assumptions of an entity caught up in the perpetual cycle of failure, usually.

My local newspaper were recently advertising for cleaners; please send CV to…..I was going to apply but there was little point since I aint got va necessary qualifikashons. I mean, how could I prove on paper that I can swing a fucking mop? Talking shit is one thing; cleaning shit takes real skill!

Talking of which, how many English degree students do you know who are truly happy and fulfilled? There heads are full of DH Lawrence, Satre, Blake and Hardy – no-wonder they’re all depressed. They leave University with a completely unrealistic view of the world and end up grossly disappointed as a result. Conversely the happiest people I know are the most ignorant, that is people in possession of no facts at all! – The sort of people who like to dig a ditch, and stand in it all day, happily. What was it? Happy as a pig in shit!

Tolkien, as you know worked at a University, well nobody’s perfect. I believe he was a professor. Anyway, from what I can gather he spent most of his time living in a fantasy world, no change with his modern counterparts there then, but at least he had one thing right; a simple life is to be celebrated. Unfortunately this simple message has not made any impact on modern life whatsoever. I blame this northern puritan work ethic lark, it’s like a virus, it spreads throughout the mind and before you know it you’ve wasted your entire life in reckless pursuit of the unattainable in some meaningless job. Of course when only one person embarks on this course it doesn’t have any impact, but when billions are at it – destruction of the planet! This is why I believe that politicians who raise expectations beyond what is sustainable in order to get elected, should be shot, which just happens to be most of them.

What the hell is wrong with being lazy? It’s stood me in good stead!

One of my school reports said; Higgs is lazy in the extreme, he makes little effort to do anything or learn anything yada-yada-yada …. Yet I get an A for spelling? You see what they singularly fail to understand is that doing nothing and getting away with it, is an art-form. Of course back when this character assassination/report was written I clearly had a lot to learn. Not any more, I now consider myself to be one of the world leaders in this field. I’m giving you pearls here!

Of course being uneducated has its advantages, it affords anyone the luxurious position of being able to stand on the side-lines and scoff at just about everything, which is what I’m doing. The disadvantages are that my plans to become a clitoral nerve-ending specialist have to be put on the back-burner while I cosy-up to a University for an honorary degree in how to talk shit. Fat chance! It seems I’m being completely out-manoeuvred by a gaggle of post-grads. Fuckers!

HB

The goon with the BIG hatchet!